Fiat Lux

Today was my Father’s 86^th birthday. My wife and I drove out to my
sister’s place in Brooklyn in one vehicle, while our two sons drove out
in other—since they wanted some independence of movement
following the festivities. It was nice to have the whole family together
in one room for the first time since Passover.

Just some interesting links from Googling images under keywords "stuffed dandelion".

I had heard years ago that dandelion greens have calcium in them, and that milk, cheese, etc. have lactic acid which leeches more calcium out of your system than those dairy products put in. We've got this brittle bones tendency from the maternal grandmother, and one winter we were drinking a lot of coffee with dry milk, taking calcium carbonate supplements, tho' not getting much greens. And we ran out of money. AND our nails were cracking. We decided to try the dandy greens theory, and picked lots. It went into soup and spaghetti sauce, rice with veggies mixed in, and biscuits. Two or three times a day. The milk ran out, but the greens did not. Our nails which were cracking horizontally in the pink part, though, not to the point of bloodiness, healed up. So now we live in a neighborhood without a lot of dandelions where they spray lawns, & we buy kale, mustard greens and green beans instead. Mostly kale as it's cheaper and has more calcium than most greens. We sometimes drink a LOT Of coffee and have milk products if they are free, and then, the nails start getting messed up again. So back to the kale. Vitamin D necessary to help the calcium get in and stay in.


http://naturalweightlosshub.com/

http://eleanorwhite.blogspot.com/

Hehe, this is cute, it's Gumberry Castle; someone's blog which is a kiddie adventure with homemade art. I like it, haven't read it all by a long shot, just found it:

http://gumberrycastle.blogspot.com/

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Thanksgiving 2009

Woke up late on thanks giving, some trying to persuade us to go see a movie, as we had a bit of money. But some of us gett very weirded out going that by ourselves, and for now we are not supposed to go see anything involving magic. Actually double on the difficulty getting to the theatre and back, the fear and weirdness about going ourselves. And HP Half Blood Prince would have been the choice.For awhile now, we have completely doubted our ability to enjoy the movies.


We think something very unfortunate might have occurred to make us this way. Something just undermines our ability to get out and see a movie. We do prefer to go by ourselves mostly. We did start a most unfortunate relationship with an awful man who said he shared our desire to see movies. We said we'd decided to see one a month somehow, tho' we did not own our own VCR or really have money to go even to the cheapie theater. I guess it wasn't a big enough goal, versus not realizing my multiplicity and the continuing trauma.

It's so horrible that now I am remembering the things that have been happening from infancy till the last few years. Anway, back to Thansgiving.

Mom and older sibling like to control who communicates with the rest of the family, someoen might mention what Mom and older Bro did to us, As well as mom's Sis and Dad, her husband she chose to stay with and have more kids with. Anwyway it seems just hopeless to go around them anyore, they want me to be the scapegoat, after all they played that role for while, why shouldn't they shift the blame down to someone who is not at fault, who did not molest them? Blame the victim, that's what they allowed others to do to them. The problem is it gets tiring after a while. I want to be the end of the line, I don't want it to go any further. Maybe I just want to be a hero.

I dunno. But i woke up late to Younger Sis yelling at older bro (he can barely hear), what are we doing to day? "family is coming at 6pm!". "It would have been nice to know that before now!"

He scares the shit out of me. Always has. He has no concciense. Last year I yelled at him for stealing a lot of basic supplies (he was giving them to his loser druggy pimp friends who can't provide for themselves), and he took off the next day without me to Family Christmas or New Year's Eve. I don't even remember which. He got the feeling a few years ago that I was starting to remember what he and his friends did to me, and he's been starting to construct the likes ever since. What the hell do you do?

Basically I started to call him a pussy. IF he's mad and taking his crap out on me, it's, "what got up your butt?", "Oh, I'm the queen of making you feel guilty? You're the Empress of that!" and stuff like that. I didn't keep it up very long, and it may have giving him more ammo for building up a load of crap to hit me with, but at least at the time it shut him up.

I gave him some crap for know way in advance that family was comding and not telling ANYONE. Everyone writes a note and leaves it on the table. Everyone, that's the way it is.

And he's like, "well if you want to know, you have to ASK. I ASKED." Bitch. So he's just being manipulative and controlling like his mother, and only taking care of himself. If he didn't, my Youngest Bro and sis in law would find out he mooches off his mom and two younger sisters to survive. HE's clever and he'll find an exuse to get violent if you get in his way, and he's got a friend on the local police force if you call the police.

And my mom is guilty about what she did, she does not believe in seeking forgiveness. Or getting help with that.

So we stayed home, cleaned up a lot, did some work, enjoyed ourslelves except those who tortured or were tortured by the horrible guilt (prabably) and lack of confidence which makes us feel like we have nothing to look forward to, EVER, or we'll kill oursleves, etc.

We couldn't smell the turkey cooking, and thought that was odd. But next day, felt rather cold-ey, then today, not. That's good. We had the beginnings of a nasty caffeine withdrawal headache, so took aspirin and went back to bed. Spent the whole day yesterday in bed. Maybe that's what killed the cold. *crosses fingers*.

Cried some, there is so much anger, so much steam, not way to get out of it. Must have been several different persons. I also asked (or someone did) angrily, anyone want to come up and feel a headache. Something amusing happened when I was questioning who was up in the bathroom, and I got the pic of a man running furiously away. Heha, enough said about that.

Don called on Fri. said no sessions this week as things are screwed up. Not worried about that, I'm hding in my familiar dark cave. Bing too quieta and not catching up with things on the outside, a longtime problem. I don't remember it ever being different.

Forgive typos, I hate spell check and don't care much more to go back and look for little stuff to fix.

mood: *pout*

"Take you away, solve all your problems magically, fix everything and hand over your money, time, back bone and brains. No thinking or sticking up for yourself and nobody question the almighty leader." ~'an escapee from the religious right'

mood: calm

..no..I won't..

mood: cynical

..this is not just about Russian soldiers..this is about all male soldiers..

( Antony Beevor, author of the acclaimed new book about the fall of Berlin, on a massive war crime committed by the victorious Red Army. )

Lord, be my Source
Give me of You
My life is Yours
Fill me anew

Everything is from You
Everything is to You
Everything is of You

Living water, living water
Living water, flow